Researchers for the BBC television programme Newsnight claim to have discovered the ultimate weapon against politicians.
According to rumours, the BBC have spent heavily in the quest to find, what the Newsnight team are calling, "The Politician's Answer Persuader" or P.A.P for short.
Speaking from a secret location under the Houses of Parliament, an anonymous source said "It's an ancient script, a weapon in fact, that when used properly reveals the key to unlocking a politicians true answer. Just imagine our interviewer, Jeremy Paxo, asking a question that the politician must answer."
To the viewer, the ritual may appear strange; Paxo would speak the P.A.P words, appropriate to his victim, in a particular tone and with a lisp throughout. He then has just 15 seconds to ask the question.
If done correctly, the interviewee will emit four loud snorts, closely followed by the truthful answer to the question, without resistance.
When asked about P.A.P, Paxo said "With this in my arsenal, no politician can refuse me. I can demolish student's confidence during Universally Challenged, that's my show, no-one else's, and soon I will be unstoppable. Mwahahahah."
M.P Jeremy Corbytrouserpress said that he was "Unsure what to do, generally."
I pointed out that I wasn't Jeremy Paxo and, as I didn't have P.A.P at my disposal, he needn't have told the truth.
P.Longnose
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